Part of my anxiety re: Jura is that I am afraid of failing to be the right woman involved in the project. Perhaps a better woman could have got along with everyone and not started any fights? Perhaps the right woman could bring other women into the project more successfully than I can? Maybe a more patient woman could interact more humbly than I can?
But y’know what? That kind of thinking is fucked up. I am who I am - and I need to be dealt with on that basis. My issues aren’t because I have a mistaken appriasal of the project and how I can contribute (or how it should reward me). It isn’t that I am making trouble for the heck of it. It isn’t because I am too bold or have political differences with the rest of the collective.
Oh no. Its not. I know it is not.
i can relate to what youre saying here, at different times I have gotten involved in stuff and then when conflict arises my not handling things well either blowing up or running for the hills..discommunicating myself. Sometimes ‘bringing issues up’ naming the problems can make me feel like the Problem rather than just the one who SEES the problem.
Working shit thru can freak people out too, have you heard of the Elephant (big problem)in the room that everyone pretends isn’t there? And when a person says “I see an Elephant” everyone goes into denial and works together just pretending it doesn’t exist so they don’t have to deal with it.
Confronting problems within groups can be scary for lots of people, but u are brave for sharing your truth.. keep on doing this!
Comment by jo — February 13, 2007 @ 9:30 am